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For every upvote...
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For every 5 upvotes I get I will make a serious review of a Compile Heart's JRPG.
These reviews will be split into five key components: core combat loop, story, substories, major minigames, and minor minigames. Yakuza 0: The core combat loop is diverse compared to a majority of the Yakuza franchise with the exception of 4 in that there are two main characters with four distinct fighting styles. Kazuma Kiryu the resident hunk of the franchise is primarily focused on up close in your face combat which begins divided among three styles: Brawler, Rush, and Beast. Brawler is an up close in your face style dedicated mostly to medium strength and medium mobility, important to note is a quickstep and the ability to pick up items to use as weapons. The Rush style ditches the grab and pickup in favor of more quick steps, as it is primarily focused on rapid combos used to stun enemies and deal major damage through chipping away with rapid blows. Beast ditches a quickstep for a slow dodge but can pick up practically every item (including motorcycles) to swing with extreme prejudice at your foes, Beast's grab is also capable of launching foes considerable distances into unsuspecting enemies. Goro Majima the resident GOD of the franchise has a similar division with his fighting styles, but the biggest difference is the fact that he is infinitely more fun to play as it takes a more ghetto twist as opposed to Kiryu's basic bitch styles, Majima has his three core styles of speed strength and pussy shit: Thug, Breaker, and Slugger. Thug is essentially Kiryu's brawler with some underhanded tactics thrown in to make it more believable. Breaker is different from Kiryu's rush in that Majima calls upon the popstar prince, Miracle Johnson, and makes a shitstorm of funk to dance the shit out of enemies with a breakdance epic moment. Majima's slugger is VASTLY different from beast style as they give him a big fuck off bat to beat the dicks off of the entire Japanese criminal underworld. The story aspect of all games follows almost always the same loop, but what's important are the characters that carry out this loop. Spoiler Warning: Skip to next Spoiler warning to not be spoiled. The two stories of the two protagonists are intertwined in ways that only become clear halfway through the game, but we'll start with Kiryu's story as he is the mainstay of the franchise. Kazuma "Big Dick Virgin" Kiryu is a low level thug beating the shit out of people who owe money to the Kazama Family, which he is a part of alongside his oath brother Akira "That Hair Cut Will Never Be Fashionable" Nishikiyama, both of whom are members of the Kazama Family through their relationship with the clan patriarch, Shintaro Kazama. Kazama runs the orphanage that both Kiryu and Nishikiyama were raised at, and with a father figure as ballsy and entrenched in the criminal underworld as Kazama, needless to say the thug life chose them. The game opens on a man being beaten within an inch of his life by our hero, this man is later found dead and this opens the biggest can of worms this side of Osaka. Long story short, the economy is so juicy that even a small patch of land barely big enough to contain the corpse of a man shot to death is worth billions of yen, convert that you financially illiterate fucks. Turns out every thug in the city of Kamurocho wants said plot of land and Kiryu did a oopsy by being implicated, so he beats the shit out of clan leadership just to leave and prove himself innocent, the characters are great, some will make you gay(if lesbian they will make you straight.) and the mocap technology is better than 98% of anything on the planet. To close out the first post, if you've played the game, stan Kuze.
Part 2 of Yakuza 0 Goro Majima is the secondary protagonist who can't catch a break! If you've seen the memes, he's a boggle-eyed weirdo who wears snakeskin with as much grace as a frozen sausage being flung down the freeway, but in Yakuza 0 he is noticeably less weird, and actually a believable human being, don't worry though, he doesn't stay that way for long. Majima is currently the manager of a very nice club, the Cabaret Grand, but he hates it simply because he would rather place perfectly rounded melons on tables for the rest of eternity in service of the clan, the Shimano Family, which he was removed from on account of his big beefcake bro's fucksy wucksy which resulted in 18 counts of murder, whoops! Anyway Majima wants more than anything to be let back into his clan, enough to the point where he accepts a hit to kill some 'Makoto Makimura', long story short turns out Makoto isn't the same sex trafficker he was told to kill, but some blind girl who is a victim of underground sex trafficking, one who Majima feels great pity for, and you know the drill, since the point of the deal is that either Majima delivers a corpse or he himself becomes a corpse. Play the game to get the whole deal, it's worth more than you in terms of experience. Stan Sagawa. You can read now. The substories of Yakuza 0 are canon and this is important since Majima overthrows a cult, and Kiryu trains a dominatrix to be better at her job. Need I say more? The major minigames revolve around the game's usage of money as the EXP system for upgrading the protagonists. Kiryu has an idle clicker minigame involving overthrowing billionaires and becoming the ultimate real estate magnate. Buy properties, upgrade them, gain managers from various substories in order to rake in hella dough. If anyone stands in your way, acquaint them with your company's board of directors, mainly the heels of your leather shoes and the pavement. Rinse repeat until you unlock the last hidden fighting style, The Dragon of Dojima Legend style, or for the sake of this review legend. The legend style is what happens when Kiryu forsakes his regular Brawler workout regimen for steroids and black tar heroin. Crush people's skulls in ways that make you go "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD". Majima's minigame is playing the manager at a cabaret club. What is a cabaret club you ask? It's called simping turned up to the extreme. Make your e-girls pretty and extort every last penny from the average working man. Beat up people who don't respect women, and unlock the Mad Dog of Shimano style. This style is insanely busted as Majima can destroy anyone who dare make a joke about depth perception. Finally, the minor minigames, the things you see the most memes about. Dame da ne? Yeah that bit came from a little ditty called Baka Mitai and I swear to Christ I will slam a hot plate into anyone's face if they deepfake it onto some character for reddit gold. Sing karaoke, be confused at majong, learn why shogi is chess but stupid, watch softcore porn, watch more softcore porn, go bowling, accidentally catch a great white shark, play darts, get furious at physics in pool, bet money on softcore porn, earn money by fisting people in an underground cage match, gamble all that money away with the homeless, talk to 3d bikini models on the phone, play classic SEGA games, but not sonic, get addicted to shitty mario cart, but you do it for him, and last but not least, dance to the banger of our time, Friday Night.
Huh, that does sound pretty interesting. I'm on chapter 6 right now. Thanks for giving me a motivation to play it. And skip some side stories along a way
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